The great novelists of our time couldn’t have written a more fitting final chapter to this great season as Derby`s Veterans faced Bingham`s 1st`s in this “winner takes all” last match of the season. With Bingham drawing first blood the previous Saturday could the Vets come back, win the game and with it the Pennant League 4 title?

The build-up throughout the preceding week had been tense with some difficult decisions needed regarding team selection. Indeed the Vets felt the need to get their tactics spot-on and even outnumbered the 1st XV during training on Thursday night.

Saturday finally arrived and as the Vets gathered in the 1st XV dressing room Winston Messam delivered the game plan :- “dominate up front, use the rolling maul as well as pick and drive to suck in their back row then look to unleash the backs. Challenge and disrupt the line-out and keep our discipline and shape at all times; play our own game”.

On the morning of the game the Vets had received bad news. Dave Pickering, their stalwart fly-half, had pulled up with a calf injury and had no choice but to pull out of this last and most important match of the season. Indeed as the Vets were warming up their in-form winger Felix Frixou also pulled up lame – a vet was called who diagnosed a strained fetlock!

Derby had record numbers of “walking wounded” on the touchline. With Rob Cotton, Nick Tipping, Jon Mabbitt, Sean Eley and Ralph Knibbs in fine voice, the game kicked off.

As promised the “Piano Movers” took the game to the Bingham pack both in the loose and the set piece. In fact the first scrum resulted in the Bingham pack being pushed back some 10 yards before the ball was cleared. After 10 minutes of sustained pressure Derby got on the scoreboard with a well worked try out wide on the right. The move had started with some good 2nd and 3rd phase ball. Kieron Murphy then noticed the overlap and quickly moved the ball out to Martin Kent and Graham Boyd who put Bruce Benson in at the corner. The difficult conversion was missed but Derby were in the lead at 5-0.

Derby were now looking dominant but bad luck struck again. Mike “Biscuit Bones” Weightman pulled up with a nasty looking thigh strain following a Derby break out wide. With the drop goal specialist Richard Beevers on as replacement the game continued. Bingham also had their fair share of bad luck with a bad cut to the head of their 2nd row that forced him to leave the field.

Again the “Piano Movers” were camped out in the Bingham half but whilst Bingham defended well they also struggled to get their hands on the ball. Derby then missed out on two try scoring opportunities. Simon Joslin had a try disallowed after grounding the ball out of sight of the referee and then A.N.Other and his chum combined to waste a golden opportunity!

It is always worrying when so much pressure fails to materialise into points. Especially as Bingham had chances to get themselves back into the match with a couple of penalties but fortunately for Derby both were pushed just wide of the posts.

Not out of the game by any means, a break out from the Bingham open-side lead to one of the best defensive plays of the match as Norm Collier not only tracked back and tackled his man but ripped the ball clear securing it for the Vets and enabling them to clear their lines. However, with 10 minutes to go, Derby scored their second try after some great handling in the loose led to Matt Bates breaking two tackles before wrestling the ball over the try line. Norm Collier duly obliged with a simple conversion to make it 12-0 to Derby at half-time.

During the break Derby focused on keeping the pressure on up front whilst keeping their discipline and focus.

The second-half started well for the Vets with the forwards continuing to get the better of their opponents. Phil Houlton, Derby’s open-side, had been everywhere and got his just rewards when he broke clear from the scrum to score the Vets third try. With Richard Beevers taking over the kicking duties with a successful conversion the score now stood at 19-0 to Derby.

Despite a brave effort from Bingham their fightback failed to materialise and Derby grew in confidence as they sensed victory. It wasn’t long before that all important fourth try. It was made possible by a well rehearsed back-row move that saw Mick “Twinkle-toes” Thomson going over just left of the posts. Richard Beevers slotted the conversion and Derby were now surely home and dry.

The referee blew his whistle for full-time and both teams stood embracing each other as a mark of the mutual respect these two sides now hold for each other. Champagne corks popped, several jugs of beer descended on the Vets dressing room and the “Love Chalice” appeared, filled to the brim with the finest port as the Vets toasted their victory and savoured the moment.

Highlights of the match; how long have you got?

• Max Allen. “Derbyshire`s Finest”, leading the front five, in devastating form with an awesome display of mauling in the loose.
• Simon “Jingle Jangle” Joslin. Starting for the first time in his preferred position hitting his line-out jumper every time and covering the field well.
• Matt Bates. Making life difficult for his opposing prop as well as adding to the back-row power around the field.
• Glyn Castledine. Dominating the line-out which led to the police questioning him regarding the amount of Bingham ball he stole!
• Keith “The Judge” Raynor. Leaving nothing in the locker room as he gave everything for the cause.
• Mick Thomson. “Rocking & rolling, ducking & diving” as he ground out the yards, grabbed a try and with it the “Man of the Match” award.
• Phil Houlton. Lungs the size of basketballs. Covering every blade of grass.
• Steve Messam. “Winston”, the skipper, leading from the front as always.
• Kieron Murphy. Playing with an injured shoulder and ensuring the Bingham side were on the back foot throughout.
• Stormin’ Norm Collier. Huge hits in the middle of the park and clever play in attack.
• Martin Kent. Solid defence, swift passing and leadership.
• Graham Boyd. Tying up his opposing centre in defence as well as leaving scorch marks on the pitch with his searing pace.
• Steve “Denim Kid” Boyd. Safe under the high ball, solid in the tackle and nice angles when joining the line.
• Bruce “SpiderMan” Benson. Backing himself every time.
• Mike Weightman. Winning the award for the best “squeal” as the Bingham sniper took him out from the bushes.
• Richard Beevers. With his very own version of “Billy’s Boots” ensuring the scoreboard kept ticking over.
• Andy Cripps. With those sniping runs and quick passes.
• Gordon “Snorebitz” Calvert. Sacrificing his good looks with a couple of nasty looking head wounds!
• Rob “Prescott” Booth. Still battling with bulimia but managing to put in a huge performance.
• Keith Mason-Moore. Trigger like striking of the ball in the set piece and pin-point accuracy at the line-out.
• Trevor “Ready as ever” Lafferty. Responding to the Bingham request “does this mean uncontested scrums now the OAP is on” by driving his opposite number, two-thirds his age, off the ball and into the air.
• Felix Frixou and Dave Pickering. For making what must have been a very difficult decision in putting the team first and themselves second when realising their injuries had forced them out of the game.
• The “Walking Wounded” - Sean Eley, Ralph Knibbs, Rob Cotton, Nick Tipping and Johnny Mabbitt. Standing side by side and offering unstinting support from the touch-line.
• The WAGS. Cheering their Veteran Warriors to victory.

The seasons playing record reads thus :-

Played 27, won 24, lost 3, points for 879, points against 182.

Not bad for a squad with an average age of 45. The skipper rightly pointed out after the match that this side had achieved far more than just winning Pennant League 4 - they had produced an inner victory that has seen them become a genuine “Band of Brothers”, both on and off the field, that represents all that is good about rugby.

Match Report by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

The days tour attire was distributed and to the echoes of “calm down, calm down” the Vets boarded the “Battle Bus” with Reg Frixou-Varney at the wheel for this eagerly awaited top of the table clash against Bingham`s 1st team.

As Derby arrived they were greeted by the sight of Bingham going through their paces looking focused on the battle ahead – perhaps we should have left the wigs at home! In the dressing the room the skipper read out a number of good luck messages that ranged from “do the unexpected” to “the result is immaterial when being part of something special is much more important - being a Derby Veteran”.

As the Vets went through their own pre-match warm up there was an air of anticipation with balls dropped and passes missed but as they came together for those final words the call was “together”! Derby won the toss and decided to play with the elements in the first-half to try and press home the advantage of a strong tail wind.

From the kick-off Derby started well with the “Piano Movers” keeping the ball close and gaining good yards. Moments later however, with Derby sending the ball along the “Piano Players”, an inside pass was intercepted by the Bingham centre who quickly shipped the ball out to his wing who in turn scored under the posts. The conversion was successful which made the score Bingham 7 Derby Vets 0.

To their credit, Derby rallied and were soon pressing again in the Bingham half. As frustrations grew Bingham gave away a penalty which Dave Pickering duly converted to cut the deficit to 4 points.

From the re-start Derby pressed hard and with a penalty 10 yards out the Vets elected to scrummage. As the forwards produced a huge effort to advance towards the Bingham line the scrum collapsed. Was the referee going to award a penalty try? It would prove irrelevant as Andy Cripps put the Vets on the score sheet with a score just right of the posts after nipping through a gap and scampering over. Picko had clearly remembered to bring along his kicking boots today as the conversion sailed through the posts to leave the score at Bingham 7 Derby Vets 10.

Sadly the Vets failed to take any further advantage and Bingham held out for half-time. The talk at the break centred on feedback from the touchline with both Kieron Murphy and Ralph Knibbs emphasising the need to play it through the forwards with the pick and drive looking most effective.

Bingham started the second-half well using the elements to play most of the game in Derby’s half. Following a period of sustained pressure Bingham got their just rewards with a second try after unexpectedly peeling off a collapsing maul. The conversion was missed to leave the game on a knife-edge at 12 – 10 to Bingham. Once again Derby rallied using the pick and drive to great effect. The statisticians lost count of the number of phases of play but after ground was made up the middle of the pitch the ball finally found itself back to Dave Pickering who coolly slotted home a superb drop goal to edge Derby into the lead at 12 – 13.

With 10 minutes left Bingham threw the proverbial kitchen sink at Derby, however, the Vets looked comfortable in the tackle but their penalty count was beginning to grow. The home team`s fly-half missed two penalties but his third was converted. With only 2 minutes left on the clock Derby went in search of secure field position but soon found themselves defending heroically. To their dismay a further successful penalty secured the game for Bingham with the final score 18 – 13.

Bingham looked to be a super club with a wonderful team spirit comparable to that of the Derby Veterans. Overall they had just shaded the game with Derby’s mistakes costing them dearly. The Vets tried their best to hide their disappointment, but it took a great effort to don their wigs and return home defeated for only the third time this season.

For Derby there is a chance of redemption. They will only have to wait until next Saturday for possible revenge as Bingham are the visitors this time in the return fixture. It could well prove to be a fitting conclusion to what has been yet another fabulous season.

Match Report by Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson

Derby travelled east along the A52 and across the River Trent for this visit to Wilford the home of Notts Moderns; a wily old bunch who deserve the utmost respect in the strange world of Vets rugby. With Derby`s numbers stretched to the limit due to injuries, holidays and illness this game had all the hallmarks of one of Winston`s “banana-skins”!

With only one replacement to their name Derby looked at the Moderns squad of 21 with envy and with a little trepidation as they realised that there were quite a lot of “young looking” Vets in the home side! The simple game plan was the usual - keep the ball, provide a solid platform and take the chances that come your way. There was also the thought in the back of this mind at least that we could do with racking up a few points before the younger element of the Moderns team were brought on at half-time!

The first quarter couldn`t have gone any better with Derby posting a 17 point lead in as many minutes. From a Norm Collier half break Phil Houlton, back after injury, was on hand to take an inside pass and race over for the opener. Mick Thomson then pounced on a loose ball to touchdown soon followed by Andy Ireland who stole the ball in the tackle on the halfway line and set off at what he thought was high-speed towards the tryline. Everyone held their breath as they watched from behind the most unique of running styles carry him home for the points. With two conversions added by Billy`s Boots Beevers, Derby had the start they had wanted.

It was at this point that things started to go slightly wrong. Giving away a number of penalties for pretty dim offences didn`t help nor did continually advising the referee on how to manage the game! Moderns were never going to grind their way back into the game - they were just intent on enjoying themselves and that involved tap and go penalties from anywhere which time after time caught Derby napping!

Having been fortunate to have only conceded one try, Derby steadied the ship and before the half-time whistle blew managed to extend their lead. A lovely popped pass in midfield brought SpiderMan Benson through the gap and set him off on a 30m run to the line. Half-time 24-7 to Derby.

With their younger players now on the field the second-half was always going to be difficult but with more clinical finishing (five certain chances wasted!) the game could have been dead and buried. Instead the result was in doubt right up to the end as Derby gifted the home team two tries. In fact if it hadn`t been for the outstanding defensive effort of Bruce Benson at full-back then Derby could well have been looking at defeat. Thankfully, inbetween the two home scores, Anthony Broderick finished off some smooth handling to go over for Derby although at one point he briefly looked a bit puzzled when already over the tryline!

It had been touch and go but in the circumstances it was an ugly but well-deserved win. Derby now look forward to back-to-back fixtures with second-placed Bingham in games that will no doubt decide the league title. Bring it on!

Match Report by French and Saunders

This was Derby`s final league match ahead of their double-header with Bingham and they were looking to maximise the points available and also to maintain their unbeaten record at the top of the table. Leesbrook have been struggling of late with both raising a 2nd team and securing pitches for their home games. We are very grateful for them for turning up with a competitive XV and also agreeing to play their home game at Derby RFC the home of Haslams.

With strange weather to contend with, fine and sunny one minute and cold and wintery the next, Derby huddled in the changing room allowing the storm to blow over before braving the elements. As Winston Messam had been assigned the task of checking out next years tour venue the captain`s armband was picked up by his humble deputy who obligingly won the toss.

Derby were never really troubled by their opponents but contrived to make heavy going of it firstly by not taking scoring chances when they arose and secondly by giving away dim penalties at a kickable distance. After 20 minutes the Leesbrook defence was finally breached as Derby`s dominant pack pushed the Leesbrook eight over their try line. Well they nearly did – it was left to their left wing Graham Boyd to add his considerable weight and bulk to the drive before he himself touched down. Two further tries quickly followed. Trevor Lafferty popped up in his favourite position of outside-outside-centre before passing on to his tight-head wing Matt Bates who skipped over soon followed by Young Norm Collier crashing through some half-hearted tackling for the next. With Dave Pickering converting two of these three tries Derby turned round at half-time with the score at 6-19.

The half-time talk centered on ramming home our advantage and getting two more quick tries before making any substitutions. The patient replacements didn`t have long to wait as Derby quickly rattled up those two scores.

Both Derby`s backs and forwards were now playing some excellent rugby with varying lines of running and slick passing creating chances galore. Felix Frixou went over in the corner after some lovely play in midfield, followed by three Norm Collier efforts and to complete the scoring a penalty try was awarded after Derby`s no.12 was high tackled with the try-line at his mercy. Dave Pickering converted his seventh conversion to complete an excellent days work with the boot.

A further try could have been scored in the dying seconds in the far right hand corner of the pitch. After some more sublime play the final pass was grounded but as the crowd rose in anticipation this reporter couldn`t quite make out the culprit!

With eight tries scored and the two bonus points in the bag this had been a great team effort with a number of players being asked to play out of position. With a typically positive attitude everyone had pulled together for the good of the team.

Once again we attracted the largest crowd of the day and they were rewarded with some top-notch rugby. Thank you to our faithful supporters who included our own small band of “walking wounded”. The referee has asked that I pass on his gratitude to Mr Eley for his non-stop verbal assessment of his performance with the whistle.

Match Report by Bill and Ben

Derby travelled along the A6 to play their neighbours Belper in this weather delayed league fixture. With Derby missing a number of players and Bingham 1st breathing down their necks in the league, this was always going to be a must win game.

With the pre match talk focusing on individual responsibility and accountability the game kicked off. Belper started well staying on par with the “Piano Movers” until a scrum inside the Belper half resulted in Mike Weightman carving through the Belper defence to open the scoring under the posts. Dave Pickering slotted the conversion to make it 0 – 7.

A period of Belper pressure then saw Derby pinned back in their own 22. With a rush defence lead by Stormin` Norman the “Piano Players” were a match for anything Belper could muster. After a while Derby cleared with some clever tactical kicking to find themselves within striking distance as Belper were awarded a scrum 5 metres from their own line. Sensing this as a critical part of the game Derby’s front five were magnificent. As Belper put the ball in Derby`s timing was perfect in getting the nudge on the Belper scrum to push them backwards. This allowed Rob Booth to collect at no. 8 and score Derby’s second try.

With the conversion missed the half time score was Belper 00 – 12 Derby. The second-half welcomed Richard Beevers, Colin Dawes and Andy Ireland to the team as Derby pushed in search of one more try that would surely finish off a valiant Belper effort.

It wasn’t long before Dave Pickering and Felix Frixou combined to put Colin Dawes in for the third try – or so we all thought! Colin had decided to juggle the ball behind his back, over each shoulder and around his waist before finishing off with a lovely weighted back heel over the top of his head fooling everyone except the referee adjudged that the ball had been knocked on!!

Again the Vets pressed hard and within minutes Gordon Calvert got in on the back-row act by stealing the loose ball to score just left of the posts. With Richard Beevers announcing that he’d found his “Billy’s Boots” he stepped up to slot the conversion making the score 00 – 19.

There’s an old saying, “when you’ve got them by the balls squeeze them”, and that’s exactly what Derby did as they piled on the pressure. Their rush defence forced Belper to kick long allowing Derby to break from deep.

It was Andy Ireland who got Derby’s fourth try following some quick passing along the line. Andy has invested a lot of money in this team and got his just reward by crashing over the line with several Belper players hanging on for the ride. The score now stood at Belper 00 – 24 Derby.

As Belper tried to get on par in the set piece and in the loose a few niggles crept in resulting in a couple of “Handbags” being thrown. The second of which resulted in a sin-binning for a very innocent looking Mick Thomson.

Derby weathered this minor storm and with Mick back in the ranks they went in search of further tries. It wasn’t long coming as the Vets gathered the ball before breaking up the blind-side. Following some clever handling by the back-row, the skipper eventually found Young Norm Collier who applied the afterburners to outpace two Belper players and finish off with a try in the corner.

Just before the game ended there was yet another flash point involving most of the Belper and Derby forwards. It appeared to stem from the formidable pressure being applied by “Derbyshire’s Finest” Max Allen at loose-head. However, it was soon over as the referee blew the final whistle. It was a great win for the Vets that helped enormously with their league campaign.

Highlights of the match - well again there were plenty, Andy Cripps with some lovely sniping runs, Bruce Benson being thrown up at no.2 in the line and not returning to earth until the following line-out and Keith Raynor with some wonderful steals in the lineout and mauls.

Comedy moment - just ask the juggling Colin Dawes “whats the scores on the doors?”

Next Saturday Derby continue with more league action with Leesbrook away. With four games left can they do it? One thing is for sure, it won`t be for a lack of effort and some great fun along the way!

Match Report by Jeeves and Wooster

Due to Bingham cancelling the scheduled league fixture, the Vets drew Oadby Wyggstonians in the pool. With the “Battle Bus” overflowing with players a squad of 23 travelled south towards Leicester believing this to be a good dress rehearsal for the top of the table clashes coming up later in April.

The match started well for the Vets as once more the “Piano Movers” dominated up front starving Oadby of any decent ball. It wasn’t long before the first try was scored after Glyn Castledine rose like a majestic spawning salmon in the line-out allowing the forwards to stack and drive first one way and then the other until the referees arm was raised signalling a try - but who scored it? Derbyshire’s Finest, Max Allen, appeared triumphant cradling the ball like a newborn baby. With the conversion missed from out wide the Vets had opened their account, 0-5.

Rolling subs on and off the field Derby continued to enjoy the lions share of possession until a brief lapse of concentration saw Oadby intercept a pass to break free from their own 22. With only Glyn Castledine giving chase the cause looked hopeless until the attacking player turned to see a rather svelte looking Vet in hot pursuit. Suddenly he seemed to trip over his own feet allowing Castledine to catch him. Derby won the penalty for not releasing and we were left wondering what had frightened this young Oadby Wyggstonian!

Whatever it was the Vets were grateful and set about getting themselves back into the game. Once again pressure was rewarded with a penalty in front of the posts. Dave Pickering duly obliged extending the Vets lead to 0-8.

It was almost as if the Vets were finding it too easy - thinking more tries were a certainty but Oadby had decided to collectively raise their game. Following a quick second phase ball their fly-half spotted that the Vets had loaded the open-side and so switched the play to the blind-side creating a 3 on 1 overlap. With only one lone defender to beat they ran in an easy try and with the conversion kicked the score was 7-8.

With the Vets now clearly rattled the basic components they have relied on all season started to stutter. First the line-out wouldn’t function properly and then the pick and drives faltered with little or no rolling mauls.

However they were looking to redress the balance and following a wonderful break involving Graham Boyd, Norm Collier and Kieron Murphy, Felix Frixou found himself one pass away from a certain try but sadly his knock-on only balanced out the bad luck Oadby had experienced 10 minutes earlier.

The set-piece scrum was still functioning with devastating effect and as the Oadby scrum-half put the ball in the Vets drove them off their own ball. With a push-over try on the cards the referee decided to penalise Gordon Calvert for breaking off too early suggesting loose binding!

The penalty was taken quickly seeing Oadby relishing the freedom breaking from deep, beating an alarming number of first up tackles to score just right of the posts. With the conversion missed Oadby were now 12-8 in the lead.

At half-time the Skipper asked all the players to relish the challenge, shake off the pressures of another unbeaten run and rediscover the game plan they had started with.

The second-half became very cagey with the “Piano Movers” getting in the face of the opposition causing a number of flash points which resulted in Mick Thomson and the Oadby tight-head prop being sin-binned.

Sensing an opportunity to take advantage the Vets piled on the pressure which was rewarded when Richard Beevers scored in the corner after some neat, quick interpassing had put him in space. With a tight conversion missed the score was now 12-13 in Derby's favour.

The Oadby response was swift with their backs running riot once again through the Vets defence. Having worked the overlap they fortunately took a leaf out of Derby`s book and knocked the ball on, allowing Derby to clear their lines. However, moments later Derby were caught handling in the ruck and with 10 minutes left on the clock their fly-half bisected the posts to make it 15-13 to the home team.

Derby, sensing the need to pull something out of the bag, pressed hard. Sir Ralph Knibbs took the ball into contact and was in the process of laying the ball back when a stray knee fractured his left eye socket. The referee immediately stopped the game and Ralph was carried from the pitch by Rob Booth and Felix Frixou. It was a massive blow in more ways than one and a very unfortunate injury, although one of the Vets looked rather sheepish as he limped away to take up his new position at centre!!

With time running out something special was required as Oadby tackled everything that moved. First a little blind-side excursion from the Skipper found Young Norm Collier who hit the gas before linking up with Bruce Benson who then cut inside only for the ball to be knocked on.

With only 2 minutes of play left the ball came back from a ruck finding none other than Derby`s very own version of “Billy`s Boots”, Richard Beevers, who struck the most perfect drop goal from some 40 metres out to put Derby 1 point ahead at 15-16. Surely the wise old heads would shut up shop and close the game out, but when Max Allen was adjudged to have killed the ball in an offside position Derby were once more reduced to 14 men. With the last play of the game Oadby moved the ball out wide only to be met by the men in black, wrapping up the tackled player and winning the game in the process.

The taste of victory was soured somewhat when the ambulance arrived to take Sir Ralph to the Leicester Royal Infirmary. It looked like being a long night until the nurse in charge muttered those immortal words, “is that Ralph Knibbs?” From that point on the scissors were put away and only the tender love and care of the nursing support staff were in evidence as they stripped the legend of his kit!

Although this was a brilliant team performance leading to another great victory it came at a price. As we left the ground three key players had been injured during the game - Kieron Murphy, Ralph Knibbs and Phil Houlton. With further players unavailable for next Saturday's re-arranged league match, Glyn Castledine, Graham Boyd, Martin Kent and Matt Bates, Belper must really be fancying their chances.

Match Report by Sooty and Sweep

The game kicked off with the Piano Movers getting to grips with a very excitable opposition. It was clear from the start that Coalville are used to intimidating their opposition with a tendency to mix things up a little. Derby though was having none, of it enjoying a lot of possession early on. The piano players threw every variation at the Coalville defence, but some solid tackling saw Derby denied a series of try scoring opportunities. Then a break through with that try scoring machine ‘Norm Collier’ receiving the ball out wide rounding the last man to score in the corner. With the Coalville team and their supporters suggesting his foot was in touch, the linesman was having none of it! Picko just missed the conversion giving Derby a 5 – 0 lead early on. Derby were beginning to relish the challenge with the Coalville side becoming more and more frustrated due to their inability to get their hands on the ball. No amount of dangerous high tackles, knees in the back, stray fists and boots would work as the Vets to a man refused to take a step back. At half time the skipper reminded the players who we were playing for today and to keep their composure as they entered the second half. The second half found Coalville making a number of substitutions in an attempt to turn things around. For a while it seemed to work with a number of breaks from a very youthful looking backline, only to be met by some superb covering tackles to deny any scoring opportunities.

view more photos in the match photo gallery

You could sense an air of resignation in the Coalville ranks as Derby found the corners with accurate kicking from the boots of Picko & Sir Raplh.

Derby controlled the remainder of the game keeping Coalville at arms reach. The final whistle blew and the Derby Vets retired to the bar to share a few drinks with their opposition.

Having reported on this wonderful set of players now for a few years I can say with all honesty the worst thing any opposing team can do is try to intimidate this side, it simply has the opposite effect. To a man they seem to relish the chance to perform in a Gladiatorial arena.

Highlights of the match, well once again there were plenty. Gordon Calvert’s work around the fringes, Max Allen’s awesome tackling; Mike Weightman’s cover tackles and the refusal of every Veteran to be intimidated.

Comedy moment, well that goes to the Coalville skipper boasting before the game that they were unbeaten. Not any more??

Match Report by The Jacky Pallo and Mick McManus Tag-team

Having looked back over the Universities results you could be forgiven for thinking this game was a certain win with full bonus points there for the taking. You then begin to realise why when a phone call on Saturday morning reveals they could only field six players! Derby`s Vets travelled the short distance to the University campus deciding to play the fixture come what may but pondering the possibility of it turning into a real farce.

They arrived to find a full complement of very young, fit looking “tax dodgers” warming-up and preparing to play. We soon discovered that their 1st team game had been called off enabling them to field a very different side to the one that Derby were due to face! They did however reassure the Vets that if things started to get out of hand they would gladly give us the points regardless of the result! Get out of hand? Dream on boys!

Winston Messam gathered his ageing warriors insisting that this was a real opportunity to test themselves as they approach their appointment with destiny against Bingham! Young Norm Collier, standing in for Dave Pickering at fly-half, got things underway and it wasn’t long before the ‘piano movers’ started to dominate their opposition in all areas. The Vets strategy of keeping the ball was proving very effective.

The first points came from Rob Booth in support out on the right collecting the ball and beating two players to score in the corner. Sir Ralph accepted the kicking duties but unfortunately pushed his first attempt just wide. Kieron Murphy back from injury and sensing blood got in on the act with a quick break from good third phase ball to score just right of the posts. This time Sir Ralph was on the mark splitting the posts to convert the Vets second try.

These opening scores were soon followed by two more. New boy Phil Houlton crashed over having been in close support of a probing run from Norm Collier and then the skipper repeated the act for the fourth. With Mr Knibbs now settling into his new kicking duties Derby found themselves 24 points ahead.

Derby Vets were now settling into their rhythm with passages of great handling moving the ball at lightning speed across the backs. Graham Boyd scored out wide finishing off a lovely move.

With the half-time score a respectable 0-29 the team talk was buoyant with everyone agreeing that the second bonus point was on as long as the Vets didn’t chase the game and slowed things down a little.

With Andy Cripps on for Kieron Murphy the second half got underway. To their credit the University started well making a real fist of it in the lineout and at the breakdown areas. However after a period of pressure, Graham Boyd steadied the ship with his second try running in from 30m with a young student snapping at his heels!

Derby`s Vets once again stepped up the pressure searching for their 7th. try only for the University to get themselves on the score-sheet. After gathering a cross kick in their own 22 they called for the mark. No sooner had it been awarded than they outpaced the flatfooted defence and following a series of interplays their stand-off stepped inside the final defender to score under the posts.

With Glyn Castledine on for Keith Raynor Derby went back in search of the second bonus point with normal service being resumed by Phil Houlton grabbing his second.

A clash of heads saw Ralph Knibbs leave the field to be replaced by Keiron Murphy. Derby Vets pressed for that illusive 8th. try that would give them the final bonus point. Finally it came with nothing left on the clock but the makers name. From a scrum in front of the University`s posts Young Norman went right but fired a “dambusters” style pass back to Martin Kent on the left. Two quick passes later and Murphy was over. With Norm drop-kicking the conversion the referee blew the final whistle leaving the Vets victorious.

Highlights of the day? Well there were so many.……

Keith Raynor’s welcomed return to the fold. Kieron Murphy coming through unscathed. The front row of “Derbyshire`s Finest” Max Allen, the hairless monster KMM and the “Timeless Classic” Trevor Lafferty dominating their opposition. Young Norm Collier with his “ole`s” as he cut through the Uni’s defence. “The Real” Martin Kent with some solid tackling. Graham Boyd with his searing pace. New boy Phil Houlton, the baby of the team at 37, looking every inch a natural open-side by covering most of the pitch on his way to scoring a brace.

Comedy moment……well that has to go to “Ready as Ever” Trevor Lafferty who, having pulled the hairs on the referee’s leg, turned round and blamed Gordon Calvert by insisting that he is mad!

Match Report by Pinky and Perky

Following one of this seasons best team performances at West Bridgford, Derby`s Vets returned to league action at home against Dronfield.

During the warm-up it became evident that Derby would have to change shirts to avoid an obvious colour clash. It also became apparent that a rather young looking Dronfield side were short of players although their total numbers definitely added up to 15 – do the maths!

With the skipper volunteering to play for Dronfield ( yes, eyebrows were raised ) the Vets lined up in their changed kit of the more traditional black and amber hoops to receive the kick-off and from the start the “Piano Movers” dominated up front securing good ball allowing the “Piano Players” to ply their trade.

It was pretty much one-way traffic – plenty of possession for Derby with a number of tries. Mike Weightman strolled over in the corner and then Graham Boyd, back from gardening leave, cut inside his man, dummied the Dronfield no.8 ( our skipper ) before touching down under the posts.

These two opening scores were soon followed by two more. Young Norm Collier got in on the act after breaking a string of tackles to score under the posts and as half-time loomed Sir Ralph Knibbs danced through the Dronfield defence. With Dave Pickering kicking three conversions the half-time score stood at 26 – 0.

At half-time the skipper rejoined the fray with the selfless Trevor Lafferty filling in for the opposition. Sir Ralph underlined the importance of not rushing the game whilst the skipper expressed the need to press home their forward dominance in an attempt to get a second league bonus point.

The “Piano Players” did not disappoint, stepping up the tempo immediately, allowing Andy Cripps and Dave Pickering to dictate the game from their half-back positions ensuring the continual ticking over of the scoreboard.

Following a break down the left wing Anthony Broderick finished off a lovely move out wide. Moments later Young Norm was back on the score-sheet after beating most of the Dronfield side, and several of his team-mates, as he crossed over for his second.

It was now time for the “Piano Movers” to get in on the act with a series of “pick and go” moves from the tackle area which saw Rob Booth denied just short of the line before Crippsy found Winston Messam coming in at pace to open the forwards accounts.

With “Derbyshire’s Finest” Max Allen leading the front row the Dronfield pack were creaking and it wasn’t long before injuries looked like forcing uncontested scrums. Once again the skipper joined Trevor Lafferty in the Dronfield ranks allowing the rest of the game to continue as normal.

The change seemed to revitalise Dronfield and following the kick-off their skipper, aptly named “Killer”, seized a loose ball and crossed the Vets line after racing 30m up the left-hand touchline.

Within minutes normal service was resumed as Bruce “Spiderman” Benson juggled his way over the line to score Derbys 8th. try at the same time securing that vital second bonus point.

The game concluded with the best try of the match. Mick “Twinkle Toes” Thomson collected the ball just outside his own 22 choosing a beautiful line to wrong-foot the opposition. His searing pace and clever footwork then saw him carving through the Dronfield defence beating no less than eight tacklers on his way to the try-line!

With nine tries scored it enabled Derby to put a little daylight between themselves and their nearest league rivals Bingham but despite the scoreline the mood in the Vets dressing room was strangely flat! These two veteran reporters remember how the Derby`s Vets could only dream of such a winning margin three or four seasons ago. Maybe it’s simply the sign of a good side that manages to go through the gears to get the job done, or maybe the word we’re looking for is clinical.

More league action next week with the visit of a very reliable Keyworth – no Friday night cry offs from them!

Match Report by Hinge and Bracket

Max Allen (lug-hole operation), Keith Mason-Moore (uphill ski-ing), Keith Raynor (loose nuts and bolts), Sean Eley (wooden leg required), John Ewins (trench foot), Keiron Murphy (fetlock), Jon Mabbitt (bent conk), Martin Kent (glass back), Bruce Benson and Graham Darby (chipped nail polish), Pip Redfern (AWOL), Steve Boyd (denim ligaments), Graham Boyd (gardeners back), Felix Frixou (money-belt strain), Bob Cotton (upper hinge), Nick Tipping (lower hinge), Phil Jepson (cricketers shoulder).

With all the above unavailable it was a huge effort on Derby`s part to be able to field a full team never mind one that would be competitive. With the injured skipper bravely taking the field to ensure a full compliment of 15 players this game had all the makings of one of the skipper`s “banana-skins”!

What actually unfolded in front of West Bridgford`s biggest crowd of the season was 80 mins of very watchable rugby and a massive collective effort from Derby`s Vets. An effort that everyone, from no`s 1 to 15, should be justly proud of.

West Bridgford were a dangerous looking mix of experience and youth as their 3rd team and Vets teamed up with each other to provide today's opposition. From the kick-off they looked very lively and threatened in attack at every opportunity. In fact they played positive rugby for the entire game but were thwarted time and again by some very solid, committed defending by Derby.

The visitors ended the first-half 24 points to the good such was the intensity of their performance. Mike Weightman, he of the laid-back, languid style, had strolled over for a brace, Andy Cripps muscled his way over from short range and Young Norm Collier finished off some nice handling for the fourth try.

More of the same in the second-half. If anything the defensive effort was increased as the home team looked to get themselves on the scoreboard. Bob Booth lengthened Derby`s lead after crashing through several tackles on his way to the try-line. West Bridgford did eventually get a well-deserved try but it was scant consolation for their efforts.

The final points of the day were to be scored by Derby and deservedly so. Mike Weightman raised himself off his sun-lounger to finish off a cracking move along the right-hand touchline and Dave Pickering put over his fourth conversion as the game neared its end.

It would perhaps seem inappropriate to single out any individuals in what was a massive team effort but it would be unfair on those particular players if we didn`t. Therefore special mention must be made of Ralph Knibbs, Andy Cripps and Bob Booth who are the joint recipients of this weeks Man of the Match award co-sponsored by Magners and Sanatogen.

Lets also record here the telling contribution of Anthony Broderick who made his seasons debut on the left wing after cancelling a potentially lucrative singing engagement on his tour of the pubs and clubs of Chaddesden, Breadsall and Spondon.

Always remember…………its later than you think!

Match Report by Ray Allen and Lord Charles

Following the cancellation of the league game with East Leake, Derby`s Vets found themselves migrating south to Junction 20 of the M1 to take on a very capable looking Market Harborough side. Being keen environmentalists Derby arrived in 5 separate cars and a 17 seater mini bus defending their very proud carbon footprint.

Chasing time, the team changed and with only five minutes to kick-off they gathered to discuss the importance of starting well, particularly as they knew very little about their opposition. Injuries to 9 key players, with 3 more on long term sick-leave, saw Derby line up with that timeless classic Trevor Lafferty, just shy of 61, on the wing.

The game started well for Derby with the ‘Piano Movers’ picking up were they left off last week. Matt Bates and “Derbyshire’s finest”, Max Allen were dominant up front with Keith Mason Moore finding his lineout jumper, Glyn Castledine, with the precision of a surgeons knife.

“Twinkle Toes” Mick Thomson discovered further form with some lovely light footwork and the back-row, unchanged for the second week running, covered a lot of ground creating turnover opportunities.

Following decent possession it wasn’t long before the first try. Lovely handling saw the ball working its way towards Felix Frixou on the wing who had timed his run to perfection, scoring in the left-hand corner.

To their credit Market Harborough came straight back pressing the gain-line but Derby’s defence was solid. Moments later the home team lost one of their props to their 2nd team which meant uncontested scrums! Well it did until Trevor Lafferty stepped off the wing to volunteer his services for the home side. What a star! Simon Joslin took his place on the wing and Sir Ralph Knibbs joined the fray following a brief warm-up.

Starved of decent possession frustrations started to creep into Market Harborough’s game. Sure enough an opportunity arose for the skipper to give the nod to Dave Pickering who kicked a penalty to make the score 0-8 in Derby`s favour.

As half-time drew near Market Harbourgh broke out of their own 22 to find themselves pressing the Derby line. With the skipper now off the pitch receiving treatment for a recurring shoulder injury, the home team took a quick tap penalty scoring out wide. With the conversion missed the half-time score stood at 5-8.

The half-time talk focused on all the positives from the first half, of which there were plenty. In addition they considered the need to chill and not let the level of expectation get to them.

The second-half saw Derby`s Vets go from strength to strength. The handling at times was superb with slick interchanges between Messers Kent and Knibbs, ably supported by the ‘Piano Movers’. Sure enough it wasn’t long before another try; Felix Frixou keeping his depth to take the ball into the left hand corner. Dave Pickering missed a difficult conversion but the Vets were starting to look more comfortable at 5-13.

Young Norm Collier was next on the score-sheet taking a lovely line, breaking tackles and eventually crashing over the try-line. The final try was perhaps the best of the season so far. The passage of play saw over 15 phases of continuation stretching from one touchline to the other before Ralph Knibbs danced through to touch down.

Although Market Harborough never gave up and came very close in the second-half to pulling a try back, it was to be Derby’s day. As the teams left the pitch we were left to dwell on a few lovely memories such as the sight of Trevor Lafferty gathering a ball from the kick-off (that hadn`t gone the required 10 yards) but playing to the whistle “Ready as Ever” Trevor charged towards the skipper before delivering a perfectly timed ‘claw’ to the side of his face – naughty boy!

What about Simon Joslin? Keen to impress, he only needed to play in the fly-half position to have been awarded the complete set of cut-glass decanters! Seriously though, it was great to see so many Vets hitting form; Rob Booth having another solid game to name but one.

For these reporters though the spirit of this team can be summed up when injured players such as ‘The Murph’ travel all that way to simply help out and support the cause.

Next week its off to West Bridgford to renew old but friendly rivalries!

Match Report by The Kray Twins

It is normally around this time of year that the size of the squad is tested to the full. With umpteen players unavailable due to injuries, 1st team duties and an aversion to cold, wet weather, it was a minor miracle that Derby could still field a competitive starting XV plus replacements to spare.

Derby`s forwards were on top from the kick-off with a dominant scrum and a well-oiled line-out providing a steady supply of ball for their backs. This ball was being put to good use with Derby`s midfield carving open the opposition defence at almost every opportunity.

Glyn Castledine soon opened the scoring by driving over from close range after picking up at the back of a ruck. The second try was scored by Ralph Knibbs after dancing his way through several would-be tacklers to touch down under the posts. The third was eventually awarded to skipper Steve Messam after video evidence proved that he alone had touched down the pushover.

The final score of the half capped what will probably turn out to be the Vets best half of rugby so far this season. Dave Pickering and Martin Kent combined with the centre crashing through and behind the gain line. He then joined forces with Gordon Calvert and Max Allen for a driving maul that sucked in several defenders before the ball was moved swiftly to the wing for Felix Frixou to round his man and score under the posts – bonus point in the bag! Pickering kicked his third conversion to give Derby a 26-0 half-time lead.

As with a number of previous occasions this season the performance could not quite be repeated in the second half – sloppy handling, spirited defence and “try-line fever” combining to curtail Derby`s point scoring.

Not long into the second-half Derby`s resolve was tested further with a nasty looking injury to Steve Boyd. The full-back had cleanly caught a Newark kick ahead and on attempting to find touch had only succeeded in finding Newark`s most solid looking forward who set off back upfield. Mr Boyd would have been better off tackling a brick wall than this runaway rhino – after being treated on the field he was air-lifted to A&E to have his shoulder put back together!

After the re-start Derby picked up another pushover try, again credited to Steve Messam, before Newark themselves scored their only points by running the length of the field after collecting a loose ball in their own 22.

With the game winding down the watching crowd were in for a treat. Newark attempted to clear their lines but the ball did not find touch - instead it was heading straight for Richard Beevers. With one eye on the ball, the other was closed liked a Rocky Balboa special, he put his mobile phone in his pocket and calmly caught the failed kick. Without breaking stride he put on his spectacles before slotting home the sweetest of drop goals from inside his own half. It is no exaggeration to say “the crowd went wild”!

It’s all aboard the “Battle Bus” next week for more league action away to East Leake. Until then these reporters are certainly relived to see the show well and truly back on the road!

Match Report by Tom and Jerry

Derby Vets welcomed Lichfield to Haslams Lane for this eagerly awaited rematch. Readers will remember Derby’s memorable win early in the season when they came away with the spoils 10 – 17. Derby were without a number of key players due to injury and first team duties but were still able to field a strong side thanks to the size of their squad and strength in depth.

With the pre-match talk rich with holiday romance, it was clear that attention to detail was the order of the day, no need to look any further than the first couple of minutes with this game!

The first-half was fast and furious with Lichfield looking much the better side edging the play up front. Despite courageous efforts at the breakdown Derby simply couldn’t get their hands on the ball. To add insult to injury Derby’s line-out was spluttering as Lichfield dominated in this area of play.

The first points were exchanged following infringements from both sides. Two kicks from Lichfield and one from Derby’s Dave Pickering made the score 3 – 6. Then disaster. Whilst the skipper was off the pitch receiving treatment for a blood injury Lichfield nosed ahead with an interception try from their distinctly young looking full-back who finished wide of the posts. After only 12 minutes of play, with the conversion missed, the score was now 3 – 11. Derby too had their chances with a couple of penalty kicks just drifting wide of the uprights but just before half-time another Derby infringement lead to a third successful Lichfield kick which they gratefully accepted leaving the score at 3 – 14 as the whistle went for half-time. Sir Ralph Knibbs led the half-time talk with an honest appraisal of the first-half whilst asking the team to focus on the basics and get themselves back into this game by securing more ball.

Derby v Lichfield Photo Gallery

The second-half was a much more spirited performance with the “Piano Movers” beginning to get back on terms with their opposing forwards. There were regular excursions into the Lichfield half but their cover tackling was superb. Derby never gave up though but not even Norm Collier could find a way through.

Although hard fought up front the second-half was scoreless with the highlights coming in the last quarter. Lichfield were awarded a penalty and elected to kick despite most of the Vets suggesting they should run the ball; after all it is Vets rugby not a County Cup Final!

The kick was pushed wide. The Vets quickly gathered and launched yet another counter attack from their own 22 only for play to be brought back following an unsavoury incident between the Lichfield centre and Derby full-back Jon Mabbitt.

As Mabbs was having his bloody conk treated by the St Johns Ambulance people, the referee sent the offending Lichfield player off and shortly after blew for full-time with the score still at 3 – 14.

There can be no doubt that Lichfield deserved their win. Rugby is the ultimate team game yet it is basically a very simple; if you haven’t got the ball you cant win the game! Derby Vets did confirm one thing though, despite their lack of possession it is clear that the last thing to go in Veterans rugby is your heart; they simply refused to give up!

Match Report by Cannon and Ball

Match Report by Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy

Match Report by Cagney and Lacey

Match Report by The Two Ronnies and their Cub Reporter, Little Dickie Beevers

Match Report by Abbott and Costello

Match Report by Mork and Mindy

Match Report by Batman and Robin

Match Report by Torvill and Dean

With Picko converting all five tries the score stood at 35 - 0 but just before half-time Ollerton managed to secure enough good ball to start moving play from one side to the other, gaining good yards in the process. Having sucked the Vets into this play they very quickly loaded the open-side and with men to spare scored an excellent try out wide. With the conversion missed the half time score was Derby Vets 35 - 05 Ollerton.   The half-time talk concentrated on the need to ‘D’ up as well as raise the tempo so as not to disappoint a few of the Ollerton players who were overheard promising their younger colleagues that Derby`s Vets would eventually tire!  The second-half started well enough with Derby Vets enjoying good field position, but failing to convert a number of chances. First “the real” Martin Kent, who had picked a wonderful angle, was held up on the line. Then Matt Bates, following a lovely weighted pass from Crippsy, was again held just short of the line. Ollerton were clearly digging deep and refusing to give way to the Vets pressure.  With the angles inside proving fruitless the ball was moved out wide but this time it was the final pass that let the Vets down. In the end though the pressure prevailed with Andy Cripps, the Vets very own “Cranky”, running over to score. Then Norm Collier, now playing on the backrow, got on the end of a pass from JR Ewins, who had pounced on a loose ball from the set piece, to score just wide of the posts. With Picko missing one of the two conversions the Vets were looking comfortable at 47 - 05.   Again, a very spirited Ollerton managed to secure good possession and following a clever kick through were denied a try by an outrageous body check. Jon Mabbitt was caught out by the bounce that saw the Ollerton wing odds-on to reach the ball and score. Subtle it wasn’t and the referee awarded a penalty-try under the posts only after checking where the young winger had landed!

Match Report by Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers and Photographs by Steve Giller

Match Report by Dastardly and Muttley